Better Place

I was told, that the total amount of time you need in order to get over a failed relationship is directly equivalent to half of its duration. Truth be told, being told something as crazy as that was pure torture, coming off from a broken 6-year relationship. Weeks, months and years passed eventually. It felt hellish surviving my 1st year of singleness, I was able to cope but not able to fully recuperate as the 2nd year passed me by.

Next year would be my 3rd anniversary, if you can call it that. I don’t know how accurate the formula for getting over someone is, but I’m starting to believe it just might be true.  Why it’s been taking me so long to move on is of course, all my fault. I let myself live in the past when it’s already gone. I let myself relive happier times, because what else was there to do?
I have wished a million times that if feelings could just be volatile, mine would have an on and off switch. It would be so easy, to not feel a single shred of love, to simply not give a fuck. Excuse my French, but this getting over business is really a pain in the ass.

Certain series of decisions and events that transpired a little over a few weeks ago might be the culprit as to why I have been feeling good about myself. I have finally cut all ties, and decided that enough is enough. I wouldn’t share the gory details because it would make me look so pathetic, so just trust me when I say that I had reached the elusive moment of clarity.

It is true when they say “out of sight, out of mind”. I don’t need to cling and hold on, because really, there wasn’t any reason to hold on to. I was just being stubborn and blinded by my emotions. Though I may have lost a great deal, and possibly an extended family who still loved me and kept me in the loop, I just couldn’t live pretending it doesn’t hurt me when I know of certain news I shouldn’t know. My period of being an emotional masochist was finally over.

It’s not that I didn’t love the time for myself since I have been single, it’s just that, I felt I couldn’t function well enough if I didn’t belong to a relationship, if nobody loved me. Well, look at me now. I’m practically chiding myself for being so foolish for so long. Once I realized that certain people are in the past for a reason, my mind finally conquered my stupid, stupid heart and logic finally kicked in.

At 27, I have learned that life doesn't always work out the way you wish it would, and that life doesn’t revolve to please you. So, if things don’t go your way then just let it be. Your completeness does not depend on the existence of other people, they are just there to merely add something to your life. It might have taken me 3 freaking long years to realize what a fool I’ve been but there are just some lessons that really takes time to sink in. My yesterday might have been dreary but I do know this for sure, I’m finally in a better place today.



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