I've kind of been stuck in a dump lately. It's not creative or intellectual in any sense, but it has to do with the way I look and see myself. With all the stress and its aftermath, stress eating. The pounds I lost 3 years ago are slowly crawling back and embracing me with such intensity. 
I get a little depressed to see myself so round, so fluffy and pudgy. Pudgy is only cute if you're a kid, and I'm a freaking 28 year old adult already. I feel bad at times because I let go again, and because I desperately want people to see me differently. They say that you have to love yourself, or that all bodies are beautiful, but the truth is, a body is beautiful only to a certain extent. I've been exercising pretty regularly, but the excess weight is harder to get rid off this time around and I don't know why.

In effect, there are many days when I don't like the reflection I see mirrored back at me. It's like another person has taken over and I do not like what, who and how I see myself. At this point, my determination and motivation to go back on track is hitting way beyond the scales. I don't know if this makes me superficial, but you have to feel good about yourself right?

Geez, why do I always have to be such a downer?



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