The Fallback Girl

Love makes the world go round, at least for others. Love makes my world stay stuck on standstill, because I chose it to be like this. I'm your fallback girl, I'm your backup plan, I'm your guilty pleasure, I'm the desperate girl who has issues letting go of the past and of my feelings for you that I allow myself to continuously revert back to this vicious cycle.

I have wasted two years of my life waiting for something that will never happen, I have hoped for two years that it will still be us in the end, I deceived myself that better days are coming but when I get my moments of clarity, I realize that I'm such a fool. A fool waiting for a miracle to happen.

Our usual and battered pattern is that I tell you to stay away from me, I tell you that you don't need me in your life and that the fact is you are doing great without me in it. Days, weeks, and months pass but somehow, somewhere, the final words I said didn't seem final at all. One way or another, I find myself going back and willingly falling into the traps I see, but blatantly ignore.

Is it because I'm convenient? Is it because you know how deeply rooted my feelings for you are? Is it because I'm the one you truly love, or is it because you just love playing and manipulating someone you know would take you back in a heartbeat?

*This was seating in my drafts for more than a year now, I had time to re-read it and I felt that this is a good time to share it. Yes, I am all better now. Thank you for asking.


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